Monday, December 29, 2008, 08:56 PM - Brian
I had a feeling that I needed this trip, not just to get away from it all but also to get used to living in the RV. The virgin voyage has turned out to be just that. It took me a full day to get used to the idea of being in the RV and on the beach. The first inclination was to set up the RV just as I did at home. I wrestled with the satellite dish, more than I should have. Once I got things set up I was comfortable just as I was at home. Mom and I sat in the RV and watched movies the first night. We arrived late so it was too dark out to do anything any ways. The next day I was not real excited to go out to the beach. We took a short walk out on the beach. I say short, but it was over an hour.
We walked down to the jetty with the boys. They were all excited to be on the beach. I wasn't so much. I was trying to relax, but I just couldn't get there. I was really concerned with what was causing me to be anxious on the beach. Of all places to find oneself and relax, this is it. After our long walk on the beach we came back to the RV and I put on the television and watched a movie or two. There was comfort in having "my home" with me. Not once had I thought, "Oh, I forgot…" this or that. I had everything with me.
Later that night, as I stepped outside for a moment I saw something spectacular. To the east, just off the coast, the clouds that had been over head all day were pushing back. To the west you could see a line of clouds coming our way. Over head was a patch of blue sky that went up and down the coast. We were in transition. The clouds to the east were that of the warm front. The clouds to the west were the cold front. Just over us was a place of tranquility and calm.
I went in and got mom and the boys. I told her about the thing I was witnessing for the first time. Instead of a violent transition from one to the other, we were experiencing a peaceful transition. She came out of the RV and was amazed. She had never seen anything like it before either. So we took the boys for an evening walk. The wind was still and things were calm. We could see the clouds moving in. By the time we got to the beach it had over taken us in the sky. Not long after that the winds started to pick up again. Only this time they were coming from the west. All day long it had been blowing from the east. The winds have changed…
Through observing this process I realized that it was okay for me to come to the beach and set up home. It was exactly what I needed. I needed to pull away from the house, also known as the sinking ship. I needed to set up home in a new space. I needed a trial run to see if I could do it. This trip, including sitting in the RV just as I would have at home was exactly what I needed. This may not have been what I wanted to happen in my life, but this is exactly what I needed in my life at this time.
I felt great the rest of the night. We watched a movie on the satellite TV. Of course the wind was coming from a new direction now and had blown over the tripod for the dish. So I had to wrestle that again. I found that my struggles the night before had made me a master at the trade and got the thing working in no time. 60,000 rednecks can't out do me! If they can do it at a new race every weekend, I can do it on the beach or in the mountains! And I did!
The next day things were a little different for me. My anxiety never showed up, even though I did drink more coffee than usual. I was relaxed completely. I looked at all the other RV's. I was more open to conversation with my neighbors. I was really starting to dig this new transient life. New neighbors coming and going, meeting people from all over the US. There was a new feeling about how I was looking at things. Things now seemed limitless, not limiting. The same situation that bound me now was liberating.
In the first two days on the beach were very telling for me. I learned how this life is guiding me through things. I watched the signs and read the wind. Smooth transition, easing into the new way of life, learning to accept that which was once unacceptable. It has been a great trip, and I finally relaxed. It wasn't easy. I had to get through my guilt of sitting in the RV on the beach watching movies. There was a time I thought, that's not camping. In truth, I still believe it's not camping… But I didn't come here to camp. This new way of life isn't camping in an RV.. It's LIVING in an RV, and baby.. I'm living! And I'm Free to go which ever way my heart desires.
Peace and a happy new year
Brian
P.S. on the third day of my virgin voyage, I took out my camera.. for the first time in months.. Damn it felt good!
;)
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( 2.9 / 29 )Wednesday, December 24, 2008, 10:37 AM - Brian
If I've learned on thing on this earth walk is that change is the only constant. I am astounded at the amount of change that comes my way. For the second time in my life my dream of owning a ranch has come crashing to the ground. This time it was not a romantic relationship that ended, but a business partnership that has ended. Without his contribution I'm completely unable to make the payments. So for the first time in my life, I'm in default on a loan.
Initially it caused me to be very apprehensive and anxious about my future. However, like most challenging situations in my life, I sat back and listened to the wind for an answer. One night while I was sitting around the fire pit the solution for my future came to me. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend of mine a couple years prior. He was moving into an RV full time and loved it. I recalled a conversation I had with a friend of mine last February where I described my dream job of travelling the country and writing and shooting pictures. It was then that I put two and two together. Long story short… I'm 100% mobile.
I bought a fifthwheel RV that is 391 sq ft. It's a nice open design. It's got a small kitchen and a larger than needed bath area. It comes with a king sized bed and enough closet space to hang all my clothes (not that I have a lot). The best part is it allows me to go where ever I want to go. Or where ever the universe calls me. Once the ranch is completely gone, I'll move it close to my work. It will save me in fuel and tolls.
I've been living in the RV for a month now and have to say that I'm loving it. It has helped me become more aware of my footprint on this earth. I'm very aware of how much water I have in my tanks (also about how much waste I have too). I'm aware of how much energy I draw using the heaters. In all I'm learning how to get by with less, yet feel like I'm getting so much more. I have everything I had in my last house, books and computers, pictures and well, you name it..
It has not been an easy transition. I've wondered why this has happened to me. In all of the challenges in running the ranch, I never got angry. I forgave things that I used to get explosive about. I handled everything completely different than I had in the past. Yet, once again I was faced with losing everything. Or at least that's what I perceived. I spent the better part of two weeks feeling like a victim of the situation. It's not hard to do because it wasn't my lack of paying the bills that caused this failure. Then one day I received an e-mail from my friend Scott, in Canada. We were matched through Big Brother Big Sister in 2001. He's now 20, but we've remained very good friends.
One day, not too long ago, Scott sent me an e-mail. In this e-mail he described how he sees me and what a positive influence I've been in his life, "You have such a positive attitude about everything even when things are bad. You have thought me so much about life and how to handle things." I knew I was doing the best I could with the whole ranch thing. Getting the RV was definitely a positive thing coming out of a bad situation but I still felt like I was a victim. After reading this message from Scott something changed.
I saw myself the way he saw me, handling things in a positive constructive manor. The victim part of me was coming from my not having things the way I wanted them. I wouldn't have chosen to live in an RV. Even if I fanaticized about it for three years, I never would have had the courage to step out and do something this wild. Without this "Cosmic BOOT" I wouldn't have had the strength to live my own dream. Writing this down, I realize that is exactly where I was. I was afraid to step out and live my own dream three years ago when I first had the idea. I kept putting myself in situations that ‘trapped' me from achieving this goal.
Now, as I get ready to take the RV on the first road trip, I'm smiling about it. I'm loving it. I'm embracing what the universe has presented me. I'm not the victim here. I'm the recipient of a wonderful gift. So what if I have a big fat Foreclosure on my credit report? It doesn't change who I am. I'm still the loving kind and caring person that I've always been. Then can take the house away, but they can't take the home, because no matter where I park the RV.. that's where HOME is..
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( 3.3 / 39 )Sunday, February 3, 2008, 11:24 AM
Why is it that the right thing to do is almost always the hardest thing to do? Telling the truth when something has gone wrong is hard to do. Telling some one that is counting on you that you're not able to meet their expectations is hard to do. My question is why is this so?
I've noticed in my adult life that there are things that really require me to "Cowboy UP!" That term comes from the idea that you really have to pull down from your gut and get something done. I've faced times when I've had to choose one path or another. Sometimes the choice is easy. Some times the choice is difficult. Almost always, the right thing to do is the harder thing to do.
When we know it's the right thing, why does it feel like the hard thing? Is it the disappointment we feel from within? Is it the fear of how some one will react when we've let them down? What causes this fear and panic? And what influences our choice to choose one thing or the other?
Perhaps we choose the easy path because we feel like it's going to help soften the blow. It's been my experience that choosing the easy road is a temporary solution. What ever was hidden by taking the easy path seems to come out in the end. That end result is usually even more traumatic than the initial situation.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Why don't we take the difficult path and face the music and do the right thing initially?
I've recently been on the receiving end of this situation. A situation between a friend and I needed to be resolved. I started receiving messages that things were being taken care of as initially said. As time went on the story began to change. Deadlines came and went. Now these deadlines were not set by me. They were self imposed deadline. As each one passed a new one was set. This happened several times.
Next it came time for me to cowboy up. I had to grab my bootstraps and call this person on the deadlines that had passed. I'm completely understanding of situations changing. It was not easy for me to call this meeting. I knew for my peace of mind I had to have the meeting. Part of it was to stand up for myself. I wanted to make sure that it was known that I was not rolling over. It's not easy to discuss certain things. It wasn't easy for me to initiate the conversation. I know it was equally unnerving to my friend who was being called out.
This made me ask myself the question, "Why is the right thing almost always the hardest thing?" I'm not sure if I've come to any sort of answer on this. Being aware of it is helping me to be a better person. I know when it's a choice between one or the other. Now I give myself a few extra moments to think about what is the right thing. I usually will not choose the easy route because I realize that in the end it's going to be more difficult in the end. It may be harder to pull yourself up by the bootstraps… but it really does give others more respect for you. They see that you're doing the right thing and often will follow suite. Even if they don't, I feel better for having done the right thing. And I know that I feel better for having done the right thing. That feeling is amplified by the knowledge that there is nothing hidden to be discovered later. It helps one live with a clean conscious. And that's the best feeling.
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( 3 / 585 )Sunday, January 20, 2008, 11:02 AM - Brian
I realized that I'm a little late in getting a New Year's wish on line.. but better late than never, right? I also realize I've not been the best at keeping up with my journal on line. I've been spending more time living my life and less time on the computer. Not necessarily a bad thing! Another reason ('excuse'?) is that life has "shifted" for me once again.
This past fall I experienced a 'shift' very similar to what I experienced a few years ago. Only a few years ago my life turned upside down. This shift feels like things have turned back to right side up. Still facing so much change at once can be difficult to adjust to. I've spent the last three months adjusting to my new life situations.
What shifted? First I came across an opportunity to buy a ranch. It's a four acre ranch house with a barn and a guest house. Oh, yeah, a pool for when it gets warmer too! I worked on getting this deal closed for more than two months. In that same time I began to remodel the house I was living in. It was the beginning of the upheaval process. Midway through remodeling the house and preparing to move I received an inquiry from a company about my desire to become a full time application developer. I interviewed and received an offer. My mortgage broker was now under pressure to get the mortgage signed before my acceptance letter was received by the new company.
We managed to get everything in and closed just under the wire. The best part was it gave me a week to focus on getting the remodel projects done. I enjoyed the extra time to work on those projects. However, I under-estimated the amount of work I had taken on. I pushed myself and pushed myself but I just couldn't get it all done. However I did get moved into the new house in time to start my new job at the end of October.
Life is getting back to a little more normality. I have finished all the projects at the old house and have listed it on the market. In the first thirty days we have shown it several times and received one offer. The offer did not come to a deal, however we've received lot's of good feedback on it. I have put the house in the box for the universe to handle. I have faith that it will find a new owner for the house quickly.
In the mean time I have been focusing on the new beginnings in my life. I am enjoying being out on acreage again. I have done a few small projects (fixed the potholes in the driveway) and am getting ready to plow the garden under to make ready for the coming spring. The barn is ready for horses and I have my feelers out for one of those to come in my life. I look forward to having a new four legged hoofed companion to share my summer afternoons with. But for now I'm focusing on living in this moment and handling the things that the universe puts before me.
Shortly after the holidays were over, I was standing in the kitchen of the new house drinking my coffee. It was a sunny but cold morning. I was silently enjoying the beauty of the moment. It was then that I realized that the holiday season had come and gone without the normal pressures that come with it. I realized that by living in the moment of each day I never felt the pressure of the holiday season. I had planned out what needed to be done and I accomplished those things or adjusted the plans without any stress. I pondered this for a moment and then had the 'ah ha' moment that these things all happened with out stress because I was living in the NOW. I was not stressing about the future, and I was not regretting the past. I was living and breathing the NOW and doing exactly what needed to be done at that moment.
I experienced a great deal of joy at that moment. When life shifted several years ago I studied how to live in the moment. Occasionally I was able to allow myself a glimpse of living in the now, but it seemed to be so much work. It took a great concentration to really be in the moment, to hear the birds and the crickets and the raindrops of that one moment. I was so concerned with the future of my life after the shift that I was barely able to experience the moments of my life. Now several years later, a few months into the new shift I was becoming aware again. Only this time I was not becoming aware of the moment, but I was becoming aware that I was in the moment a lot of the time. It was like looking at myself from the other side of the mirror.
Life still presents challenges. Life still requires planning. Life is chaos. Yet, when you fully embrace the NOW and deal with only what little chaos is in front of you, allowing the universe to take care of it's share of things. That little chaos can bring about some great change, wonderful change that you never expected. Life is change. Change is growth. Embracing change brought forth by the universe is letting the universe provide the growth you need. It may not be what you WANT, but is usually just what you need. By taking my hands off the reigns and trusting in the universe I rode this shift, like a surfer rides a big wave… and man what a ride it's turning out to be…
Puha!
Surf's Up!
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( 3 / 553 )Saturday, December 8, 2007, 09:42 AM - Brian
A few years ago I picked up a mediation that I really liked. It guides you to focus on wishing yourself well. Later in the meditation it guides you to wishing others well. This practice is called Metta Bhavanna. You may have seen it on my e-mail signature line. It means to practice the art of loving kindness. It's something that I've adopted into my life.
This practice has become such a great part of my day. During stressful times I will stop and wish myself well, wish myself happiness, and wish myself free from suffering. It's a way for me to slow down and come back to the moment. It helps me know that I'm working toward a greater good. It also reminds me that we all are working toward our greater good.
Often times people from my past will pop into my mind. They may be some one that I've known very well. Or they may be some one that I only crossed paths with once in this life. I'm never really quite sure what brought their memory back to consciousness. I do take the opportunity to stop and wish them well. I take a deep breath and hold the memory in my minds eye. As I exhale I think to myself or I say out loud, "May you be well." Then I take another deep breath, still holding their image in my mind and I say, "May you be happy." Finally I repeat this a third time saying, "May you be free from suffering."
I have done this for several months now, sending these positive thoughts to people I know and love. I send it to friends, family, and the occasional waitress that made me smile. Recently I was pouring hot water in my tea cup. I was using a spigot from a coffee maker. I lowered my cup several inches so that the water would mix with the honey. I went a little too far and the water bubbled and splashed.
This reminded me of a time and a place long ago in my life. Some friends and I were out having coffee. It was late at night. I think we were seniors in high school, or just out of high school. I don't remember what the occasion was, or if there was any. What I do remember is getting my coffee from the waitress. She asked the usual questions, "Cream? Sugar?" What she said next, stopped me in my tracks and made me think. She asked, "Bubbles?" Confused I looked up at her and said, "Sure."
She began pouring the coffee in my cup. As the cup filled she pulled the coffee pot higher and higher. The stream of coffee went in silently until the distance that the coffee had to fall was too great and individual beads began to form. They plopped into my cup of coffee creating a beautiful bubble cup of coffee. I smiled and thanked her for my cup.
I don't know where you are, but I hope that you are well, I hope that you are happy, and I hope you are free from suffering!
Peace
P.S. For those of you that have posted comments in the past, Thank you! I've tried to keep this feature alive, however, there are those that abuse the system and have started using this feature to advertise their spam on my site. Unfortunately I have had to discontinue the allowing of comments. I hope to upgrade the blog so I can again have this feature. You may contact me personally via the contact links on this site. Sorry for any inconvenience.
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( 3 / 598 )Sunday, August 19, 2007, 09:34 PM
As I made my bed tonight I had a wonderful memory of my grandmother. It was a sweet reminder of the feelings I had arriving at her house. She would always put clean sheets on the bed. Every time I would tell her not to fuss or worry about it. And every time she would pull the clean sheets out of the closet and make the bed for me. It was a simple ritual that seemed insignificant at the time. Now, several years after her crossing, I smile as I think back to that simple gesture. I know I will sleep well tonight in the freshly made bed because her memory is with me.
The simple things we do today may touch lives of others long after we're no longer in their lives. What a profound gift! What a great reason to do the simple things for those people we care about.
Peace....
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( 3 / 962 )Monday, July 2, 2007, 12:27 PM - Brian
I first heard of Jon Gordon when I was driving to northern California from Texas, Christmas 2004. He was being interviewed on Wisdom Radio about his book “Energy Addict: 101 Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Ways to Energize Your Life” Jon has this quality in his voice that is infectious. In this interview he had the energy of a young boy. His words however were that of a grown man. He spoke with authority and knowledge of life’s trials. His book was to show us how to over come those adversities and have more energy through the day.
Since that long drive out in the dessert I’ve ordered every one of Jon’s books (3 now) and received his weekly newsletter. They are filled with great insights of how to pull more energy into your day. I particularly like where Jon describes coming home from work and having no more energy to do anything! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt that way. Jon’s suggested remedy? Get on the floor and play with the kids. In ten minutes you’ll have more energy than you ever dreamed of! I practiced this a few times with my nieces and WOW did I find energy!
This weeks newsletter was titled “Infinite Energy.” I put off reading it first thing Monday morning because, well I wasn’t in a Jon space! Jon is high energy! For those of you who think I’m high energy… I’m the nucleus and Jon is the electron going circles around me! I figured this weeks article had to be good. The nice thing about Jon’s writing is he explains the challenges that brought him to the point of the article. So he’s not just preaching about positive abundant energy, he’s demonstrating!
Just before lunch today I ventured into the newsletter: http://www.jongordon.com/newsletter-070702-infiniteenergy.htm. Again I am so impressed with Jon’s ability to articulate the many things I feel! There have been times in my life where I’ve wanted to conserve all my energy because it was just too demanding to give it. I’m not sure if it was a fear that I wouldn’t have more, but it surely was a lack of faith!
I’ve been on many adventures that are physically demanding. Many people say, “You can do that because you’re young.” That may be the case. But I think it’s more of what Jon is talking about in his article. We really do have the ability to tap into an unlimited supply of energy. We are not beings with a finite amount of energy. We’re energy in motion with the ability to create more energy. We have a wonderful gift, the ability to get down on the floor and play with a child, tapping into unknown reserves of energy.
I’ve seen myself do this in my natural environment, hiking. I can be dog ass tired, ready to drop dead. But some how, some way I find the energy to continue on. I often will stop for a few minutes and pray for the strength to continue. When we pause, give thanks for what we have, and pray for the faith and courage to continue, we can tap into an abundance of energy. And as Jon points out when we join forces, working together we create even more energy.
I truly believe Jon hit the nail on the head when he said, “I realized that the problem for me and all of us is not a lack of energy. It's a lack of faith, trust and hope. We lack the trust that God will move heaven and earth to supply us with the infinite energy of the universe to power our life and work. We lack the faith that the energy we share today will be replenished tomorrow and we lack the hope that tomorrow will better than today.”
When I read this I was instantly reminded of another powerful quote. This quote, by Marianne Williamson, is one of the most powerful I’ve read. This quote describes why we mostly live in fear, and not in faith, “Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be so brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'
Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God: Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I feel the same about Jon’s description about energy. I encounter many that say they couldn’t do something because of age, or lack of energy. I think we put our mind to it, we can do anything. It is not every one’s place to hike to 13,660 ft, but there is something that you can do, and you have the energy within you to do it. We all have an abundance of energy and beauty within us. It is our human challenge to learn to let these things flow from within to be shared with the world. We are all beautiful, we are all children of God.
I hope that you’re never inclined to play small because of fear. I hope that when you are faced with a challenge you are able to find the energy within you to shine greatly as it was intended. I hope that you are able to ignore those that seek to drain that positive energy from you through critiques and criticism. They are envious of your ability to shine greatly through adversity. Be noble, be strong, be proud and know that you are loved.
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( 3 / 1108 )Friday, June 1, 2007, 08:44 PM
Lately I’ve been getting questions about my trip to Japan. The short answer of this question is I am still processing this trip. The other short answer is, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. I cannot begin to tell you all the things that have come to me in the five months that I’ve been back in the states. The final short answer is, here are my pictures for you to look at…Japan 2007 ... Ask me a question and I’ll give you the answer. I always appreciate comments on my photography too!
Peace,
Brian
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( 3 / 1356 )Wednesday, May 16, 2007, 03:57 PM
We're coming into the summer months here in central Texas. With that comes the Ozone Action Days. These are days where our air quality is designated poor or unhealthy. They offer free bus rides, and encourage people not to fuel up during daylight hours as this causes the ozone to be release. I don't know how many people take real action during these Ozone Action Days, but I've decided that I'm going to have at least one 'Green Day' a week.
During my green day I will not start the truck. Instead I will walk or ride my bike to work. I decided this two weeks ago when I started considering what my carbon footprint was. As I mentioned in an earlier post I have started to make monthly donations to an organization to help offset my carbon footprint. I wanted to take it a step further and reduce my over all carbon emissions.
Another factor in this decision was my work outs. I've been going to the gym several days a week and spending 20 minutes on the elliptical runner, stair master, or the treadmill. What a waste of energy!!! I'm walking and exerting the energy, but I'm not getting anywhere! What's up with that? We all try to conserve energy by turning off the lights. Yet here we go to the gym and expend energy going no where. I decided if I can spend the time in the gym exercising, why not leave for work thirty minutes earlier and get more exercise in a productive way.
This new 'habit' gives me good feelings in several ways. The first thing it does is exercise my heart and cardio vascular system. This gives me more energy in the rest of the areas of my life. Next it builds stronger leg muscles from the glutes down to the shins. Those of you that remember my DRI (Disco Relate Injury) you know I need that!!! Third walking burns off a lot of calories especially in the mid section. When I walked to work in San Diego I found abs where I thought I had lost them! Finally, having at least one green day out of every week helps me to feel better about my carbon footprint.
Plus, if we each seek alternate transportation methods one day a week, it will really reduce demand on gasoline and cause the prices to drop. It's a much more effective strategy than every one filing up on Monday to boycott buying gas on Tuesday, only to fill up again on Wednesday. If you don't use it, you're not demanding it. Supply and demand.
Peace,
Brian
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( 3 / 1367 )Thursday, May 3, 2007, 11:02 AM
I heard something on NPR that caused me to do some research. NPR is producing a year long project about climate change. In the article they talked about vehicles and how much they produce. Then they talked about what can be done.. There are several Carbon Offset Programs that are available to offeset your carbon footprint. Well I did some research and found a company that is both trusted and has some longevity. It ranked third in this report: Consumer Guide to Carbon Offsets
So, since this is something near and dear to my heart, I've chosen www.climatetrust.org as the beneficiary to my monthly donation. My carbon footprint ranged from 9 - 13 tons depending on which calculator I used. Most said that you could offest a tone for about a $1 a month. So I upped the ante a little and made it a whole $15. This is in addition to running all compact flourecent light bulbs in my house and using a reel push mower (no gas) and running bio diesel in my truck. So hopefully my little bit every month will make a big difference!
There are a lot of choices when selecting programs and options to go carbon neutral. One thing to consider is this is not a pass to produce more. This is part of my conservation efforts. I am using this in addition to other conservation efforts already in place, like combining errands, riding my bike to work, buying products from companies that support a zero carbon footprint. Yes, there is actually a company out there that has done this. I've been buying their yogurt products at Costco for more than a year. Stoney Field Farms has worked with a company to implement a zero carbon footprint for their production of foods. Not only that they went a step further to make sure they could verify it. In the link above they provide a detailed report on the steps they took to go carbon neutral. I'm very happy to support their products!
Brian
P.S. By the way, for you beer drinkers out there, Fat Tire ~ New Belgium Beer is one of the GREENEST beer makers on the market. Consider that next time you order a cold brew...
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